Believe it or not, I don’t make my living through yoga. I work a full time admin job in order to pay the bills and choose to teach yoga on the side for a couple reasons – I want to contribute to the betterment of the world, I want to make a little extra cash to allow myself to continue my own journey down the yoga path, and I want to continue to challenge myself to break out of my safety net.
But lately I’ve found myself dreading my 9-5. There have been days where I literally can’t pull myself out of bed to get to work on time. Not necessarily because there’s something inherently wrong with the company I work for or the people I work with – in fact I adore so many of the people I work with – but more so because I just don’t feel like it’s a valuable use of my time and energy. That and I have a 45 minute commute in each direction. Between the lack of responsibility, limited opportunities for upward movement and the 40 mile commute I have found myself completely burned out on my job – something I LOVED for years.
Maybe it’s that codependent gene I seem to carry, but I love to help people. I love greeting my colleagues with a smile and being the person who finds the silver lining in a stressful situation. I enjoy being able to help the management create a power point presentation, or set an out of office reply, or troubleshoot an operational issue. Everyone needs help with something at some point, and I love to be useful. I thrive on it.
Unfortunately, I haven’t felt very useful lately. There are things that I know I can help with, but are just way out of the scope of my job and I have started to feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I always feel valued and appreciated, but at a certain point that stops being enough, and the proper compensation should come in a title change and pay raise. When that becomes impossible, it’s time to move on. I was lucky enough to have my entire department backing me, supporting me, and cultivating me and yet the regulations of this corporate job made it impossible for me to break through the administrative ceiling. My husband always tells me “If you’re not happy make a change”. As much as it pains me to admit it – he’s right! I need a change.
And so I found a job with a new company that is closer to home and pays more. Awesome right?! Well, this is something that frankly terrifies me. One of the things that has made me so successful in my current position is that I know everyone. I know all the ins and outs of the business and have even been nicknamed “Google” by some of the folks I support. But starting in a new company means I won’t know anyone, I won’t know any of the processes, the standards, or the culture. How am I supposed to be a successful if I don’t know anything or anyone?!
Obviously, I have a tremendously difficult time departing from my comfort zone, something I have really been working on doing more. For example teaching yoga is way outside of my comfort zone, one of the reasons I insist on teaching even if I hardly have any extra time to do so. So when I confirmed that there were no opportunities to break through the admin ceiling and to move up in my current company, I realized that the only thing keeping me in my current job was the fear of starting over. All the more reason I need to leave. I need to continue to push myself to learn more, to become more comfortable being uncomfortable and to stop being a prisoner of fear! It was time to ditch the safety net.
So April 1st will be my last day as a seasoned employee and April 6th I will move back in to learning mode as I begin navigating the ropes of a whole new world. The job is a lateral move, but the pay is a bit better and I will be 8 miles from home, cutting my commute by 30 minutes in each direction! I will also be busy as far as I can tell, so I am looking forward to feeling useful again. Overall I am hopeful that this change is going to do wonders for my quality of life.
Wish me luck!