Move Breathe Thrive, Yoga

Becoming Overwhelmed…

December 12, 2014

Becoming overwhelmed is not always a bad thing, but whether good or bad, it’s always important to stop. pay attention. listen to your heart.

For the time being, teaching yoga does not pay my bills. The realization of that master plan is far off in the future. When I committed to Yoga Teacher Training, my intention was not to replace my income with this new occupation, but rather, I hoped to supplement it. I wasn’t even sure if I would leave confident enough to teach at all, much less to even pay for my own personal yoga habit. But I graduated with a confidence and enthusiasm I have never known before, and was determined to add teaching yoga into my life. I never imagined that this I could ever become overwhelmed by this new venture.

As my main source of income I work full time for an aerospace company doing a hodge-podge of things. My title is Standardization and Evaluation Specialist and I promise it sounds much fancier than it is. I don’t have a great amount of specific responsibility, but I rather I dabble in a bit of everything. It’s not a stressful job, but it is, nonetheless, one that requires me to be present 40 hours a week. That coupled with a 45 minute commute each way means I don’t get loads of free time.

I knew when I started looking for teaching gigs that my availability was limited, but I was just anxious to teach anywhere and everywhere I could! I didn’t want to miss any opportunity to cultivate the skills I spent so much time and energy learning. So now I find myself teaching 7 classes a week at various studios in the area. When I built this schedule for myself, I knew the day would come when I would reach burnout. I was prepared for that, and just planned to scale back when that time came.  So I started working on building my own brand, website, blog and artwork collection.

And I started trying to promote the studios I was teaching at, hoping to build up clientele.

And I began working with the planning committee for the Downtown Nassau Yoga Festival, being held next Summer in the Bahamas.

And I started planning special events.

And we got a puppy.

It hit my husband first. He has been the one picking up the slack around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the animals. And even when I am here, I spend a fair amount of time working on my website, or social media either for myself or the festival. I plan classes, I take photos, I live and breathe yoga, and it seems to be all I can talk about anymore.  And while he has been so supportive of this dream of mine, it is not his dream. I want to be more present for him just as much as for myself.  So the last couple weeks I have been feeling the exhaustion. The adrenaline is fading as I roll in to my 4th month of teaching.

I miss cooking and even cleaning.

And I miss not being in a rush to get to and from the studio.

I miss my husband, and my cats, and our new puppy.

I miss ME time.

I’m becoming overwhelmed. So it’s time to scale back a bit. I need to stop. pay attention. and listen to my heart. So I’ve spent this week contemplating my schedule for next year – trying to take better care of myself. I’m already feeling anticipatory sadness and mourning over needing to reduce my teaching schedule. I have been feeling overwhelmed by the thought of managing my work, home and yoga life.

And then one day this week I woke up to my alarm and felt that same sense of overwhelming exhaustion. So I rolled over and went back to sleep deciding to honor myself and go into work late. This time of year, I normally get to work before the sun comes up. But this particular day, by sleeping in just a little bit, I had afforded myself one of my favorite parts of desert living – the sunrise!

The sun was slowly peering up over the horizon, glowing behind silhouettes of joshua trees. There was fire in the sky and it was glorious! I became overwhelmed again. Though, this time it wasn’t that exhausting stutter in my chest, it was a flutter in my heart! What overwhelming beauty there is to behold in this world. So I stopped and focused my mind in on that spectacular sight.

And I took in the beauty of that sunrise.

And I smiled.

And I listened to my heart flutter and sing.

That morning I resolved to find more moments like that in my life.

And so today, when I woke up to the sound of rain beating down in the roof, I just laid there and I took it all in. And I listened to each raindrop as if fell. And I smiled.

 

You Might Also Like

2 Comments

  • Reply Angie December 12, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    I hope you find the balance that works best for you! It’s a constant struggle for me.

    • Reply Brenna December 12, 2014 at 5:45 pm

      Thanks Angie! I’ve heard this from many yoga instructors – it’s all about finding balance. Although, I suppose life in general is that way isn’t it?

    Leave a Reply